Reflections in Paint: My Journey of Connection Through Art

From as far back as I can remember, I've been an extremely empathetic person, feeling deeply connected to the animals and natural world around me. As a child, I naturally gravitated toward caring for any pet my family had—becoming their dedicated caretaker before anyone else could even react to their needs. This same protective instinct extended to nature itself. I was heartbroken learning about pollution and the misuse of our planet's resources, determined to be an advocate for everything that didn't have a voice.

Me as a little girl inside my family home

Growing up in Texas, I researched environmental problems and solutions, trying my best to minimize my carbon footprint. I spoke out against deforestation and animal suffering, though living in Texas didn't exactly provide me with an audience ready to listen, let alone care.

Beyond my connection to animals and nature, I struggled to form authentic connections with people. From a young age, I often felt like an annoyance or a problem. My mother now proudly says I "march to the beat of my own drum," but as a little girl, the message I frequently received from adults was to be more like the other girls in my class. It didn't matter that I was smart or original—I just didn't fit neatly in the box they had created.

Finding Myself on Canvas

When I returned to painting almost two years ago—after leaving my teaching job and finally deciding to look inward to heal and accept my past—I naively didn't expect to see so much of myself reflected in my paintings. I meticulously planned each piece, thought about what my art inspiration might be, seeking imagery that spoke to me and creating narratives within each painting, but I never anticipated how the art would reveal parts of myself to me.

This painting was screaming for me to pay attention

As I progressed on my self-discovery journey and learned new things about myself, I realized I had already painted these revelations. My very first portfolio paintings all featured women missing their most important feature—their eyes. My initial intention was to omit the eyes because I wanted these women to be viewed as part of the landscape, to remove individual identity and leave viewers with a sense of wonder.

Yet when I later looked at these completed paintings together, I saw that I was hiding. I was hiding from every emotion I had suppressed. I saw myself as the little girl who felt more at home playing with kittens or lying in tall grass than connecting with people. I recognized my disconnection from others and even from myself. And almost like magic, I forgave myself.

The Wallflower Girls

I began planning paintings that included all of the women's beautiful features, though many still seemed closed off—or perhaps they were breaking free. I call them my "Wallflower Girls" because they all seem set back against the wall I built around my heart. It's a wall that protected me from past hurts, but now it's a wall I no longer need.

With my most recent painting from this series, I knew as soon as I finished her that she would be my last Wallflower Girl. I've moved on to a series with more of a western feel, celebrating native Texas animals. My goal for these new paintings is to celebrate the connections between flora and fauna with western aesthetics.

The girl that tore down my wall

I'm still painting women, but these women have a different energy—they seem more powerful and sure of themselves. I don't yet know what I'll learn about myself through this new series, but I can't wait until I'm far enough along to use these paintings as a mirror and discover parts of myself that have been hiding, waiting to teach me something new.

The Universal Language of Art

I love the moment these two are having!

The funny thing about art is that I can tell you all day long what these paintings mean to me, but it won't be the same as what they mean to you. Each painting is a brand new creation born into this world for a reason. They each have their own destiny—meant for someone else, or perhaps many someones.

Art has a way of connecting us to our emotions, thoughts, and the world around us, offering a unique form of expression, contemplation, and understanding. The best part is that it's different for each and every one of us.

When you look at my art, I hope you find your own connection with it. And I would love for you to share that connection with me.

Love, Mandi