Finding Clarity Through Journaling: Facing My Moving Anxiety

April 11, 2025

The boxes are filling up and my house is slowly being emptied. After this week, there wont be time for me to paint until the move is done and i'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling knots in my stomach about it.

Journaling has always been my lifeline when anxiety starts creeping in. There's something about putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) that helps me identify what's really going on beneath the surface. Without this practice, I tend to spiral - stuffing emotions down until they erupt as irritability toward the people I love, depression, or even physical symptoms like hives. In an effort to be more transparent and connect with others who might be going through similar struggles, I'm sharing both the beautiful and the messy parts of my life here.

Blaine and I on a Skydive

The Blessing of Change

This move is objectively a blessing for our family. My husband will finally get to live and work surrounded by his passion - at a drop zone where he can pack parachutes, skydive, coach, and be among his people. He's always been a social butterfly, the complete opposite of me in that sense.

For my daughter, she'll trade screen time for farm time - running outside with animals instead of being glued to her iPad. She'll attend a much smaller school, which feels right for her.

And me? I've always dreamed of living away from the city noise, surrounded by animals and space for a garden. The rural scenery and farm animals will provide endless inspiration for my paintings.

So why is my stomach in knots?

Stevie Feeding a donkey

The Surface Fears

Initially, my mind latched onto the practical concerns:

• What if moving into this tiny home is terrible for my family?

• I'm losing my dedicated studio space - can I handle painting in my bedroom again?

• Can we survive sharing just one bathroom?

• During summer, my twin boys stay with us for two months. We have a camper they can use as a third bedroom, but is that really functional?

• Will I sleep soundly with some of my kids sleeping on the other side of the property?

  
  

As I type these worries out, my rational mind can address each one. But they're not the real source of my anxiety. They're just distractions from the deeper fear.

Digging Deeper

What I'm really afraid of is something my anxious mind didn't want to face: Will I grow to resent my husband? Will I become jealous as he spends time with other people? Am I going to lose him?

I could never have reached this conclusion without sitting down to write. And now that I've identified what's truly scaring me, I can see it clearly. This fear of resentment stems from past relationships where I sacrificed pieces of myself to support men who ultimately cheated or never carried their share of the weight. But Blaine isn't like that.

The fear of being let down or abandoned by people I love is a recurring theme in my life. Learning to trust can be challenging, and our minds love to distract us and pull us toward depression. They tell us to scroll mindlessly on our phones, watch one more episode, take a nap - but never to pick up a book, work out, or create art.

Why is it that the activities that bring us the most joy once completed are the very things we're most reluctant to start?

Moving Forward

Blaine and I

Journaling has once again helped me cut through the noise to find the truth. This move isn't about losing something - it's about gaining a new chapter that aligns with what our family needs right now. The real work isn't packing boxes but continuing to unpack these old fears that no longer serve me.

As we load up the moving truck, I'll carry this clarity with me. Change is still scary, but facing the real fear behind the anxiety makes it manageable. One journal entry at a time.

Do you use journaling to manage anxiety? How has it helped you identify your deeper fears? Share in the comments below.